


secrets

by starryflower



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bill's mentioned bcs we stan her, Coming Out, F/F, Yaz cries, Yaz's got a secret, don't hate me plz I'm sensitive, hey fam I hope I made y'all proud, hot chocolate is involved, sorry if this flops whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 06:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18330146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryflower/pseuds/starryflower
Summary: Yaz can't sleep because of some secrets, the Doctor brings the hot chocolate





	secrets

“Hey, why are you up?“ the Doctor asked Yaz immediately when she saw her coming to the console room. She’s tinkering with something again, Yaz made a little mental note to herself as she heard the Tardis make some unsettling sounds. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Yaz lied, shifting her gaze to the ground to hide her emotions. The Doctor tried to compose herself, her hair a mess with some smears on her cheek. The blonde furrowed her brow, looking Yasmin up and down. 

“Yaz?” she asked, noticing that something was definitely wrong. “So, why are you up so late, torturing the old girl?” Yaz tried to shift the attention, immediately regretting her decision to come to the Doctor. These were her own feelings, her own problems, she should be able to deal with them on her own… still, she felt so wrong and so lonely and telling her best friend would surely cheer her up, even though she questioned her thoughts right away as they flourished her head. 

“Me, torturing Sexy? What are you talking about?” the Doctor scrunched up her nose while the Tardis made a few disapproving beeps. “I think she’s agreeing with me,” Yaz noted with a sly smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Why does she always team up on me?” the Doctor muttered under her breath, giving the console an angry look that was soon replaced with worry. “Yaz, is everything okay?” she asked her, reaching forward, closer. Yaz felt her heart skip a beat and quietly nodded, all of her shame and guilt reaching the surface. She felt the tears sting in her eyes as she tried to blink them away, making it even worse. 

“I thought so,” the Doctor let out a small sigh and pulled Yaz closer, letting her cry on her shoulder. She awkwardly patted Yasmin’s back, trying to calm her down a little. “What’s wrong?” she mumbled into her ear, not letting go. 

In other circumstances Yaz would be over the Moon, probably in some sort of ecstasy, having the Doctor close to her, hugging her. Even now with the burden in the form of her thoughts she could feel all the butterflies, she could feel her heart going crazy. Yaz tried to answer, only a sob to come out. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” the Doctor reminded her, only to feel little nods as an answer. “I do want to talk about it,” Yaz replied, her raspy voice filled with cracks and sobs. “Okay,” the Doctor held her tighter, only to let go a moment after and gave her a reassuring smile. 

“I’ll grab the hot chocolate,” she smiled at her, her hazel eyes full of worry. Before she left the room, she pushed some buttons, pulled some levers that Yaz didn’t quite see through the tears and left to get the beverages. 

“Here,” she came back a few minutes after and handed the brunette a hot mug painted with stars. “That’s your favourite,” Yaz noted quietly as she watched the marshmallows melt in the hot drink. “I thought it could cheer you up a bit,” the Doctor said with a bright smile as she opened the door and sat down, patting the empty space next to her, letting Yaz know she should sit down. 

“Go ahead, what’s wrong?” she asked, all playfulness in her voice gone. Yaz could have sworn she never saw such worry in the Doctor’s eyes, not even with that dalek. Yaz took a deep breath in, trying to suppress her anxiety. She felt herself shiver a bit, her attempts to get herself together not helping at all. “I don’t want you to hate me…” she said quietly after a while. 

“Hating my Yaz? I could never do that!” the Doctor said, shock written all over her face. “You could after I tell you…” Yaz whispered with a tear falling down her cheek. “Did you murder anyone?” the Doctor asked with a very serious tone. “What?! No, no I didn’t murder anyone!” Yaz replied, steadying herself for a moment. “So what’s there to hate?” the Doctor asked innocently. 

Yaz smiled a little, closing her eyes, thinking it would be easier if she didn’t see the Doctor’s gaze studying her patiently. She could still feel that gaze and it made her even more uncomfortable. 

“I… I know it’s… different. And trust me, I’ve tried to change it, I did. You have no idea how much I used to hate myself for it. I hated myself for being weird, different, for not fitting in with the norm. People expect you to fuffil this… this idea of who you should be, that they made up for you and if you don’t if you can’t be as good as or even surpass their expectations of you, you are to blame, not them or their unnatural standards. And trust me, I wanted nothing more than to make my family and everyone proud… look at her, look at that girl, being the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect cop…” 

“Yaz…” the Doctor spoke up and only then Yaz realised she was crying the whole time. “But I can’t be that perfect image of myself, I can’t, Doctor… I can’t,” she repeated herself, waterfalls coming from her eyes, words choked up, hidden with sobs. “Yaz, you don’t have to be perfect, you already are perfect,” the Doctor said, taking Yasmin’s hand in her own. 

“I’m not, Doctor. I’m not the perfect daughter, I let everyone down because I can’t do this bloody thing right and be normal like everyone else!” she cried, burying her face in her hands. “Yaz, what are you saying?” the Doctor asked her, confused. 

“I like girls, Doctor… Always have and always will,” Yas murmured. “You’re gay?” the Doctor asked nonchalantly. “I think I’m bi,” Yaz sighed, closing her eyes while trying to collect herself. “Ah, human labels, Bill did try to teach me but I guess I used to find them pointless… well, they still are, but I guess you humans didn’t get to the point where you don’t need them, we did, you'll get there too,” the Doctor shrugged. 

“So, you don’t hate me?” Yaz asked, confused. “Nah, my people have evolved way beyond your human labels, also a few of my friends are in the lgbt+ community, or at least I think that’s how Bill called it. Also, also, as I said, I could never hate my Yaz,” the Doctor smiled at her. 

Yaz felt her cheeks getting hotter as she tried to hide a smile. 

“You didn’t even acknowledge the view, very rude Yaz!” the Doctor exclaimed, pointing beneath them. 

“It’s… home,” Yaz smiled, looking down at her home planet, watching the lit-up areas and the Sun creeping up from behind the globe. 

“It is and do you realise what that means?” the Doctor asked with a mischievous smile. Yaz blinked in confusion. 

“That you came out not only in space, looking at your home planet, that has gone so far with the sexuality thing, not the best, but you’re slowly but surely getting there, accepting people, making a name for yourself in the universe. Yeah, you have nothing on my people, but of course, you can get there one day. You also got to come out in an alien sentient ship that can travel through time and space and is among other things bigger on the inside, that is, of course, because of the dimensions and stuff, way too complicated for humans,” she rambled on as Yaz laughed at her, waiting for her to shut up for a moment. 

“Thank you, Doctor,” Yaz smiled at her. 

It was actually pretty great. She got to watch her home planet with her favourite person in the entire universe, she was accepted and felt like she could be her true self for a moment. 

“Yaz!” the Doctor cried out in panic, making her jump a little. “What?” 

“You didn’t drink your chocolate! Now it’ll be cold and the marshmallows are already melted!’


End file.
